I consider myself very fortunate to have been born in Montreal while being proud of my Chinese origins. Being born in Montreal allows me to enjoy a diverse, open, and cosmopolitan culture where many communities coexist and share their traditions. At the same time, my Chinese roots represent an essential part of my identity. They have passed on to me fundamental values such as respect, the importance of family, and hard work.
I am lucky to be rooted in two rich cultures, which offer me a unique perspective on the world. This dual belonging nourishes my open-mindedness and pride. The fusion of these two cultures has shaped me and allowed me to become the person I am today. However, this doesn’t mean that everything has always been smooth sailing.
In hindsight and with some transparency, if I had to identify an area where my two cultures have sometimes “clashed,” it would be in terms of communication. I became aware of this during my training at CRAM, where I discovered the concept of authentic communication. In my culture of origin, communication is often indirect. Things are frequently expressed implicitly, and there is a tendency to avoid confrontation or not express disagreement directly.
This communication style, while respectful and attentive to others’ emotions, can sometimes lead to misunderstandings or unexpressed frustrations. Indeed, Asian culture often places more importance on others than on oneself. It is common to seek to please others, sometimes at the cost of our own needs and feelings. This can make personal existence within a relationship difficult, as one often sacrifices one’s own desires to avoid conflict or maintain harmony.
Learning to adopt more direct and authentic communication has helped me find a balance between these two worlds, allowing me to navigate my relationships, both personal and professional, with more clarity. This awareness has been essential in harmonizing these two aspects of my identity.
Not to mention the importance of respecting hierarchy in my Chinese culture. Respect for authority, elders, or people of higher rank sometimes creates a considerable barrier to authentic communication. We often adopt a modest attitude, for fear of taking up too much space or avoiding misunderstandings. Respect occupies a central place in social interactions, but this excessive attention to hierarchy and others can sometimes prevent me from establishing deep relationships. It becomes difficult to name things concretely, sincerely, with emotion and sensitivity.
Being born in Montreal has also shaped me differently. Here, communication is more direct, and this frankness often contrasts with the expectations of my culture of origin. Because of this difference, I am sometimes perceived as a “black sheep” within my community. This gap between the modesty expected in Chinese culture and my more direct style of expression, influenced by Western society, sometimes creates internal tensions.
However, this difference, far from being a flaw, has allowed me to forge a unique identity. I am able to adapt my communication style according to the context, while seeking a balance between respect and sincerity. Learning to navigate between these two worlds has given me the strength to find my voice and cultivate the art of delicacy in my exchanges, without sacrificing my authenticity.
Today, I see my “black sheep” side as a strength rather than a weakness. It’s what allows me to assert myself, ask questions, and open dialogues that others would avoid out of respect or fear of disturbing. Montreal has taught me to give voice to my emotions, while my Chinese roots have instilled in me the importance of restraint and reflection. This duality, although sometimes a source of tension, also brings me an inner richness that I deeply value.
To conclude, I would like to emphasize the importance of authentic communication. Being able to express oneself and fully exist in a relationship is a precious asset. This includes, of course, daily communication, but especially that which occurs during conflicts. Communicating doesn’t mean accusing or pointing fingers at the other to attribute responsibility for our discomfort or misfortunes. Communicating is expressing what one feels with responsibility and sensitivity. Without clear communication, unspoken things accumulate, and that’s when problems begin to emerge.
